Good friends are like filters.
It’s not my line - my boyfriend said it yesterday while we were chatting about friendships, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
One of my friends had been contacted by someone looking to book me for work. She did some brilliant gatekeeping - thoughtful, protective, kind - and when I told my boyfriend what she’d done, he just said:
“Good friends are like filters.”
It landed so deeply because it’s true. The best friends in our lives know what to bring to us, and what to gently hold back. They see what we’re carrying, and they don’t add to the load.
I know I said I’d reflect on March in this newsletter - and I have started. But honestly? I found myself reflecting more on friendships, and how much they’ve shaped me this year.
Good friends are like mirrors - they reflect who you really are, not just who you think you are.
At the end of last year, I experienced a few things in friendships I truly didn’t expect. It was painful and confronting. And I’m still healing. And that’s okay. Healing takes time. It comes in layers, like peeling an onion - bit by bit, breath by breath.
But in contrast, these last few months have also shown me what true, deep friendship looks like - the kind that calls you higher and holds you when you feel low. I think I’ve also learnt to not share too much with too many people.
We need people who remind us of the good in us when we forget. Who challenge us with love when we need it. Who help us see clearly when our vision is blurred, whether from pain or pride.
Good friends are like anchors - steadying you when everything feels like it’s moving too fast.
Friendship is a huge priority in my life. Even in busy seasons, when I’m not as present as I’d like to be, I’ve found that communicating with honesty makes such a difference.
A few years ago, during Covid, I went through a really lonely season - and at the time I didn’t even realise. I was on video calls all day, talking constantly… but I wasn’t around people. And that physical absence affected me in ways I’d never experienced before.
That time shaped me. It made me put new boundaries in place, what I call markers, to help me stay connected, to keep loneliness from creeping in unnoticed. Because of that, I’ve now built a rhythm where I don’t even think about it. Making sure I have social time scheduled regularly is just part of who I am now.
Good friends are like lighthouses - they don’t pull you in, but they guide you through the dark.
This is why it’s so important to know yourself. When you do, you can help protect yourself, by setting up rhythms, boundaries, or even reminders to check in with people who matter to you.
Good friends are like gardeners - pruning, watering, and helping you grow, even when it’s uncomfortable.
They tell you the truth, even if it stings. They don’t lie to keep the peace in the moment, they love you enough to think long-term.
And they show up. Not always in the same way, but in their way. Some of my friends are introverts; they rarely initiate plans or check in, but I know them, and I know how they love. I don’t expect them to be like me. That kind of understanding helps relationships flourish.
I really believe: To find a good friend, sometimes you need to be a good friend.
Practical Tools:
A really useful resource that I created last year, is a PDF I made based on the book Vital Friends by Tom Rath. It breaks down different types of friendships, and it’s a beautiful reminder that we’re not meant to get everything from one person.
We also have a workshop on the OnDemand platform that explores how to build authentic friendships, and how to learn what kind of friend you are, and what kind you need.
I could honestly talk about this forever.
But if there’s one thing I’ll leave you with, it’s this:
You weren’t made to do life alone.
Friendship matters - more than we realise.
Let’s keep making space for the people who help us become who we truly are.
